Nothing Else Matters
by Angelline
Summary: 1x2 fic. Duo-angst. This is your typical "poor abused Duo" and "Heero bastard" fic. Please read and review!
1. Nothing Else Matters 1

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, sue me not~ ^^ (Damn, I'd pay anything to own Zechs Merquise though. *drool*)

Summary: 1x2 fic. Duo-angst. This is your typical "poor abused Duo" and "Heero=bastard" fic. I just felt like writing angst and finally writing a fic with sex in it. Nothing graphic, because I suck at it, but please bear with me~ ^^; Please review! ^^

**** This fic is dedicated to " xxkurenaixx " as promised! ^_^* Thanx so much for being my first reviewer. Love you tons! And I love all my other reviewers too! Thanx to you all! Yah~! ****

/.../ = thought

Nothing Else Matters

* Duo POV*

I, perhaps, am doing the wrong thing, but I just don't feel that I am. Quatre looked at me, worried, saying that I shouldn't let him do this to me. But what am I to do? Stop him? Push him away?

That would mean stopping my life.

That would mean pushing my soul away.

I remember the first time we became lovers, well... kind of.

He came back from a mission, late at night. He stared at me with his cold and tired Prussian blue eyes. I just stood there, mesmerized. He was so shockingly beautiful. Ever since the first time I laid eyes on him. So impossibly perfect. I was so...

... so in love with him.

Heero probably felt that I would give my everything at that moment. He took advantage of it. The next minute, I found myself knocked to the bed with such force, that I swear I felt my insides shuffle. He crushed my body with his, the bed shuffling and creaking beneath us. We stared at each other's eyes for what seemed an eternity.

My amethyst purple eyes...

His cobalt blue eyes...

Absolute silence...

Then it all started, abruptly, painfully. He pressed his lips to mine with brutal animal force. I felt my lip split open and crimson red blood trickled out. However, not stopping at all, not even for a second, he kept on kissing me, wildly, lustfully... madly.

Our first kiss... a metallic tasting one.

He started to pull... no... tear off my clothing one by one. When he was done removing all our clothing, he stopped for a while. He just sat there, looking at me. I just dropped my gaze and lifted my hand to wipe off the blood that was still trickling out of my lips. Before I could, he charged at me and attacked my lips again. I felt his savage need, so I did what he was indirectly and literally asking for. I spread open my legs for him. Just like any other good boy would have done for his master.

No preparation, no soothing words, no warning, no nothing. He just rammed into me with all his force, with all his soul. I gasped in pain, but refused to cry. I refused to do anything that would make Heero feel bad. Not that he could feel anything at all, of course, but I liked to think he could. It made my feel like I had the tiniest hope, which is of course, better than nothing.

I could feel my body, my soul, my life splitting in two as he rammed himself in and out of me again and again and again. After what seemed ages, Heero pushed into me one last time as roughly as he could and grunted as he came into me. I just held my breath, trying hard not to cry and to sob and to scream out the pain. When he was finally satiated, he let gravity take over and fell on top of my sore ribs. After a while, he stood up and left to the bathroom. I stayed there, staring at the empty space beside me.

What an irony this was. Me, the boy that loved those sappy and fluffy romance movies, stuck in a scene like this. Stuck in a reality like this. Our first night as lovers, our first time making love, ended up being something informal, and totally unromantic. Of course, I never expected it to be. I was satisfied enough with the fact that Heero even took the first step and had sex with me.

But it hurt.

What surprised me, thought, was the total silence. I had heard that people making love would make lots of noise. That it was pleasuring, that it was a mutual thing. But we had been in absolute silence. I hadn't said a thing, hadn't made a single noise, and Heero hadn't either. He hadn't even moaned a little when he came.

I felt the bed shift once again as Heero came back, all cleaned up. He faced the opposite direction and wrapped the sheets around himself. I felt my heart break to pieces when he didn't even say a word. In fact, I would have appreciated even an "I hate you" from him. But no sign of affection, no response whatsoever. I reached out to touch his shoulder, but I gave up and let my arm drop to the bed silently. I felt the blood trickle down my thighs and seep into the bed. Heero had probably torn something down there, but I was in too much pain to even check. Too tired to even move.

So I let sleep take over.

I wasn't surprised to find myself alone on the bed the next day. I knew it would be like that. It was always like that. Ever since that day. Every time Heero got stressed out over something, every time he came back late from hard missions, he would grab me painfully hard and throw me on the bed. Then he would rip off every obstructing piece of clothing, and he would just take me roughly and quickly. It was not tender, not lasting at all. If I tried to do anything my way, he would slap me hard, my head snapping to the side. I would look up questioningly, he'd growl and scream at me.

"I am in control here. We do things MY way."

I just nodded quietly and whispered an apology. What else could I do? What else?

When I tried to get out of bed that morning after our first time, I was surprised that I could actually stand up. He hadn't even asked whether I was a virgin or not. He probably wouldn't have cared anyways. Having been the virgin I was, that day was the most painful day of my life. I dropped down to the floor at the first step and closed my eyes tightly to try to will the pain away and to stop myself from crying.

I don't know how I ended up in the bathroom, but I had made it. I took a long shower, the caked and dry blood washing away from my lips, my wrists, my thighs, my limbs. The water and the soap stung my wounds like hell.

Then I did what I had sworn not to do.

I started to cry. Well, sob sounds more like it. I let the tears pour out of my eyes and let them trickle down my cheeks. But then, I smiled. I smiled because I knew I wouldn't get caught because the water from the shower would hide them. So I kept on crying until the water turned cold, and I was shuddering and trembling.

From that day on, no matter the how much it hurt, and no matter how rough Heero was, I didn't cry in front of him. Not a single tear. I kept it all to myself because I knew that I could cry in the shower, and all my tears would wash away before being noticed.

Today, though, something's different. I wake up from another night of pain and suffering. Usually, Heero's gone before I wake up. But today... Today he is standing there on the doorway, ready to leave, but not quite yet leaving.

I sit up, wincing a bit, but pushing all the pain away for a while. I look at Heero with questioning eyes.

"We have a mission. Be ready to leave in an hour."

With that, he turns around, and leaves, closing the door behind him with a thud.

I sigh and drag myself to the bathroom, slowly, in order to not rip the dried wounds. Another long cold shower, another very long day.

Quatre looks at me worried. Well, anybody else would have looked at me like that too. I really hate myself when I look at the mirror. I see a living corpse. A body with no soul. Purple and blue bruises decorating my body, scars and wounds scattered about, here and there. I had become so unnaturally thin, that anybody would have immediately thought that I was either anorexic or bulimic even. My eyes had lost its spark, and looked more gray than purple. I didn't talk at all now, and I didn't smile much either.

Oh, no. It's definitely not to make Heero guilty or anything. In fact, if it would make him feel happy, I'd go on smiling. But... but I just haven't been feeling too well to smile and talk much. I just lost the will to do so. Also, I was just so weak, that I would barely even walk around.

I found myself inside Deathscythe, sitting in the pilot's seat. When had been the last time I had a mission? Months ago? It seemed Heero had avoided giving me missions, or had replaced me and gone on them instead of me. I am sure he did so, not because he was worried about me, but worried about the missions. Miserable and weak me. I would definitely mess up and fail the missions. That would mean disaster for Heero.

Today must be important though. He didn't explain to me what the mission was about, so I didn't bother to ask. Heero does things only when they are necessary. I thought perhaps this time would really be the last time I would get to see myself sitting here. Perhaps this mission was so dangerous that Heero didn't want to tell me we'd all die.

So I thought to myself...

_What would be last thing I would do if I knew I'd die soon?_

I smiled and closed my eyes, knowing the answer.

_Yes... I would pray for Heero... that's exactly what I'd do..._

So that's exactly what I did. I prayed to God...

No, wait. What God? There is no God!

I closed my eyes tighter and prayed... no... begged to Death.

_Please... please don't take Heero away. Please don't let him die. He deserves to know how wonderful life can be before he dies... so don't take him today. Take him 50... no... 100 years from now. But not today. I beg you. Take me if you want... but don't take Heero._

/Why~?/

The question struck me like a thousand needles to the heart. I stared at my hands for a while with wide eyes, the simple one worded question running through my mind. I smiled again.

_Why? Because... because... I love him. Yes... I love him so much, that I'd die a billion deaths for him._

I reached out and pressed some controls. Then, I flew away into the sky with Deathscythe, feeling lighthearted.

Feeling lighthearted because I had prayed for Heero.

There were so many of them. The enemies... they were swarming all over us like a huge colony of insects. I felt lost.

Then I saw it.

Everything had happened in a fraction of seconds, but to me, it all seemed to have happened in slow motion. The enemies were getting closer and closer to Heero. He had been so lost in getting rid of the things in front of him, that he had lost track of what was behind him.

/No... he'll get killed... no.../

"NO! Heero! I won't let you die! No!"

I screamed wildly and I grabbed the controls with such tightness, that I felt blood trickle out of my palms and run down the controls. I led my gundam, running towards Wing, crashing into various enemies as I did so. I finally reached Wing, and just in time to hug the other gundam tightly. Heero stopped, stunned. He froze as he felt his gundam being held.

I gasped as I felt the Taurus ram itself into Deathscythe, and various others ramming themselves after the first one. My gundam was totally destroyed, the screen cracked, and I was thrown off my seat. I felt the warm blood pour out from my forehead and trickle down my cheek, my chin, my neck.

Anybody else would have moaned in pain.

But me...

Me...

I sighed in relief. Heero was safe. That was all that mattered. Nothing else in the world mattered to me this moment but his safety.

/Just don't die. Don't let my sacrifice go to waste, Heero. Please./

The last thing I saw before darkness consumed me, was that I was surrounded by a loud explosion and there was red and white everywhere.

And it seemed to me that I had heard my name being called...

But I wasn't sure.

I wanted to check, but it was too late.

Heat surrounded me in red darkness.

To be continued...

* Sigh~ what a morbid, angsty fanfic. ^^; But of course, that's the only stuff I ever write. Angst, angst, and more angst. Always a Duo angst. Poor guy, always making him suffer. This is the first time I write something with sex in it! *blush* Not a nice way to start writing lemons... but oh well~ ^^; *shrug* This will be two parts long. I am SURE. Well, that is... if people review. *smirk* No reviews = no update! *evil laughter* Well, I think it's obvious though. What's the point of writing more if people don't like it? I still have the choice of making this a happy 1x2 ending, or making it a death-fic. I haven't decided yet~ I'll have to think about it. But please do review if you want me to upload the next chapter, and please, if you have time, read my other three fanfics~ ^_^* Love ya all, and take care. *Oh, and btw, as I have always done previously, I will dedicate this fanfic to whoever the first reviewer is if he/she wants me to. ^^

Angelline~*


	2. Nothing Else Matters 2

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, sue me not~ ^^ (Damn, I'd pay anything to own Zechs Merquise though. *drool*)

Summary: 1x2 fic. Duo-angst. This is your typical "poor abused Duo" and "Heero=bastard" fic.

**** This fic is dedicated to " xxkurenaixx " as promised! ^_^* Thanx so much for being my first reviewer. Love you tons! And I love all my other reviewers too! Thanx to you all! Yah~! ****

/.../ = thought

Nothing Else Matters (Second Part)

*Heero's POV*

I couldn't believe it when I actually "understood" what was going on. First, my gundam was seized from behind, and now, whatever was behind me blew up. The impact was huge; most of the enemies around us got destroyed immediately. When I found out what had happened, I started to panic.

/ Duo... /

"Duo!" I started screaming my head off. I jumped off my gundam and looked around everywhere. There was only fire and debris from the explosion.

No Duo.

Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei joined me after a minute or so. I didn't know what was going on around me. I suddenly just didn't care what would happen. The mission, "my" mission was totally forgotten. I had to find Duo.

Then I saw him. Under a pile of debris, I finally saw whom I hoped it would and would not be at the same time. Suddenly everything turned silent around me. I walked closer and closer to the body under the metal.

I gasped when I saw the evidence. His braid. His long chestnut braid was on the floor, half burnt, half dissembled.

I started to cry. Not sure how or why, but tears started to pour out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I dropped to my knees in front of Duo and reached out with trembling hands.

"Duo..."

I carefully got rid of the metal that was covering the frail body. My hands reached out and pulled Duo into a tight embrace. Duo moaned.

I blinked.

/He's...alive...he.../

I stared; shocked at the fact that Duo was alive. He couldn't have possibly survived that explosion. His body was broken and bloodied beyond repair. He couldn't...he shouldn't...

/I can't believe this... he's dying... and I'm calculating life expectancies and probabilities... I am... I am such a bastard./

I snapped out of it.

"Duo! Duo... are you ok? ... Duo... say something please..." I begged and started to caress the horribly bloodied face and the tender cheeks. I buried my face into his chest, hoping I'd hear signs of life again.

"H...Heero..."

My head snapped up and I looked tenderly at Duo's face.

"Duo..."

His lips twitched a little, forming a smug but pain filled grin.

"I... *gasp* I... I'm alive..."

"Yes, Duo, yes you're alive. Thank God..."

I hugged him tighter. Duo moaned in pain. I leaned down and gave him a light kiss on his forehead as a sign of apology. Duo struggled to open his eyes.

"Don't, Duo... don't open your eyes... just sleep... we'll get you to a hospital soon... don't..."

"But... if I die... I might die..."

"No you're not! You're not going to die!" I blurted out, angrily.

/You will NOT die, Duo.../

"No...no... I have to see your beautiful face one last time before dying... your... face..."

I couldn't believe this. Duo was dying, he was... he was hurt... I was such a bastard, and yet. And yet...

I leaned down and whispered gently into his ear, "I'm sorry Duo... please forgive me..."

Duo smiled again and finally forced his eyes to open up. He looked at me with those deep purple eyes of his. He spoke to me with a raspy and quiet voice, almost a ghostly a whisper.

"There is nothing to forgive. I love you, and it's all that matters. I want you to be happy, Heero. Always."

I felt such an overwhelming guilt, that I just couldn't look at his eyes. I turned my face away and looked at the ground. He held my hand tightly and forced me to look back at him. Duo looked up with a serious look.

"Heero... promise me..."

"Yes? Anything for you, Duo, anything."

"Promise me you'll enjoy life now that the war is over. You have to promise me that you'll go out there and find out how you 'really' live. Promise... promise me now."

"Duo, I..."

"Promise me!"

"I promise, Duo. But I promise to enjoy it with you."

Duo smiled and closed his eyes. He sighed in fatigue and leaned into Heero's chest.

"I'm...cold..."

/Shit...he's loosing too much blood./

I covered the trembling and freezing cold body. He looked so frail and pale. I couldn't believe that there was such a kind and understanding person in this world. I couldn't believe I had done this to him. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed that Duo was dying away slowly and painfully.

In fact...

I couldn't believe anything.

The doctors told us that Duo had barely survived, and now he was unconscious. I was crushed by the news. The first thing I wanted to do as soon as Duo woke up was to tell him my feelings towards him. To ask for forgiveness.

Quatre asked the doctor if Duo was going to get well soon. Unfortunately, the doctor shook his head and looked at us with a very worried face.

"His injuries are severe and deep. He has serious internal injuries and has lost too much blood. It will take a long time before he recovers fully. We have done everything that we could with what we have at our disposal. Now it's up to him whether he is able to fight against death. You could say that he is at the border of life and death, and only the patient can choose. The main problem right now is to get him to awaken, but... we can't be sure of when that will happen."

What could we do? Point the gun at the doctor and tell him to save Duo? Not really. We just thanked him and went back to the intensive care ward in which Duo was. We were allowed to only look through a window.

Even if he was pale and dying away, Duo looked beautiful. Like an angel that had fallen from the sky. An angel that was given to me, an angel that had fallen straight into my arms.

An angel that I had totally mistreated and misused.

I sighed.

Time ticked by so quickly. The seconds, minutes, and hours passed by flying.

The place had darkened. Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei had left to rest. I insisted on staying and watching Duo.

I was just sitting there, arms wrapped around my legs when suddenly, an idea occurred to me. It was something Duo had once told me.

*flashback*

"Don't you wish you could know if the mission's going to be successful or not beforehand?"

"Hn."

"You know what you could do? You could pray. It's like this."

Duo was doing something, I kept on typing away and staring at the screen of my laptop.

"Awww, come on Heero. Look! I want to teach you something! It just takes a minute or two."

I sighed in frustration and turned around. Duo smiled and put his hands together.

"You're supposed to do this at a church, but it's ok to do it anywhere I guess. Look, you put your hands together like this. Then you close your eyes and concentrate on what it is you want very much. It must be something you desire with all your heart, mind, and soul. Then you start asking for it mentally with a lot of feeling."

Duo looked down and smiled sadly.

"The problem is, I don't really know to who you pray, but still. I heard that it really works if you try your best and do it with a lot of concentration."

I sighed again. What a silly way to ask for things, and what a stupid way of wasting my time.

"Look, Duo. I'm not religious. I don't believe in those things, and if I want something, then I get it using technology or whatever's at my disposal. You go on asking your things to somebody or something you don't even know. But please. Do NOT bother me and interrupt me. I have a lot of things to do."

With that, I whirled around and got back to typing up my mission reports. I could hear Duo sighing behind me.

"You're no fun. You are a cold and heartless perfect soldier."

I could almost feel the pout on his face. Then, he went back to rambling nonsense and bounced out of the room.

"Baka."

*End flashback*

*Nobody's POV*

Heero stood up and decided to do whatever this praying thing was that he was taught. He ran out of the hospital and looked around, desperately. It was dark, cold, and it was raining. He ran and ran through the streets, looking for the so-called "church." Heero stopped when he finally saw the huge doors and the bright luminescent cross on the top of the roof. He blinked as the rain got into his eyes and his vision was blurred. Heero wiped away the water from his face and walked into the church, quietly.

He saw a couple of people in there, but nobody else. As he walked towards the front, he looked around in total fascination. The carefully made mosaics, the colorful windowpanes, and the detailed carvings on the furniture and walls.

Heero looked at the two other people. They were down on their knees and had put their hands together just like Duo had said. A low mumbling could be heard and their eyes were closed. Heero dropped down on his knees as well and placed his arms and hands just like the other two people. He felt awkward and strange, but he decided to relax.

/Where to begin...where.../

_Whoever you are... or whatever you are..._

_I know I have no right to ask of you anything..._

_But now that I am here..._

_I won't go back until having at least tried._

_Until this day, I have thought of myself to be a machine..._

_Something that works when directions are given..._

_Something that doesn't fail to do its job..._

_Something that doesn't give up until the end._

_I have thought of this world to be a materialistic one..._

_I believed that all problems could be solved through technology..._

_I thought that I could gain whatever I wanted through a computer..._

_I thought that I could forever have control over everything._

_If I needed money, I stole from the OZ bank accounts..._

_If I needed weapons, I attacked one of their bases and took what I needed..._

_If I needed victory, I killed everything that got in my way, risking everything..._

_If I needed satisfaction, I...I used... I used Duo..._

_*sigh*_

_But today I found out that I actually don't have control over anything..._

_In fact... now that I see, I have absolutely nothing!_

_Death's indeed something that I can't control..._

_And I know because I can't do anything to save Duo..._

Tears started to roll down Heero's cheeks.

_I wish I could control Death and save Duo..._

_But now that I am faced with the problem I have never had to face before..._

_I see that I can do absolutely nothing about it..._

_So I'm here... asking for the impossible..._

_I'm asking..._

_For You..._

_To please..._

_Save Duo..._

Heero closed his eyes tightly.

_Please._

Heero's arms dropped to the sides and he just sat there, staring straight ahead. He felt... he felt lightheaded all of a sudden. He felt like a huge burden was lifted from his shoulders, and he somehow knew his words... his prayers had been listened. He stood up, shivering.

"Damn, I need to change, I'm soaked."

He walked quietly and carefully out of the church. It had stopped raining, and the first rays of sunlight were starting to shine. Heero smiled and sighed. He walked back to the hospital, hoping that his prayers would come true.

Ever since that night that Heero prayed, Duo got better and better each day. Unfortunately, he never did wake up. Sometimes it seemed as though he would, but he would go back to being unconscious. But Heero never gave up, he never gave up his hopes.

"Quatre, I need to go somewhere." Quatre looked up at Heero, surprised. "Go where? Duo might wake up any of these days! What are you saying?"

Heero smiled and said, "I just wanted to go away for some time and learn what it is like... to live normally. You know, so that when Duo wakes up, I will be able to make him happy. Make him feel loved and make him feel good for once. You know what I mean?"

Quatre's jaw dropped open and he just stared at Heero with wide eyes, "Excuse me?"

Heero rolled his eyes, "Quat, really, I'm not joking. I just, want to change at least a little. Don't make this harder than it is already."

Heero had his bags packed and ready and he leaned over and kissed Duo on the lips lightly. He smiled at Duo. "I'll be back, my love."

"Oh, Quatre. Please, if Duo happens to awaken before I'm back, please give him this."

Heero handed Quatre a white envelope. Quatre smiled and nodded.

"Please be careful, Heero."

"You know I will." *smirk*

With that, Heero left without looking back, and he closed the door lightly behind him.

Duo woke up on a Sunday morning, three weeks after Heero's departure. He, at first, looked lost and scared, but after a while, he sighed in relief when he saw Quatre's huge blue eyes looking at him tenderly.

"Duo...I...finally you are awake!"

Quatre gave Duo a light hug, careful to not hurt him.

"I...I...my throat's all raspy...and weird..." Duo gasped out.

Quatre giggled, "Yeah, it must be! You were unconscious for a whole month now! This is just so exciting. I still can't believe you're suddenly awake!"

Duo grinned, but then, he started to look around the room. Quatre immediately knew who Duo was looking for and he smiled.

"Duo, Heero's gone. He's not here."

"Oh." Duo looked down, with a sad expression.

Quatre put his hand on Duo's. "Duo! Don't put that expression on your face. He's just temporarily gone. He's gone away for you."

Duo looked up at Quatre, confused. "Huh?"

Quatre reached out and opened a drawer and took out the white envelope. He handed it to Duo and smiled again.

"Heero told me to give this to you if you wake up before he comes."

Duo reached out with trembling hands and held the envelope gently, as if it was going to crumble to pieces if he wasn't careful. He just looked at it with surprise as well as curiosity. Quatre excused himself and left Duo alone with his letter.

Duo opened the envelope slowly, as if trying to memorize he had done this. He unfolded the letter and starting reading. He let out a small laugh and started to cry.

_Dear Duo,_

_I am here, sitting beside your bed, writing this letter to you._

_It's already been 1 whole week! But I am glad you are getting better._

_You must be awake when you read this, and for that, I am glad._

_I'm very sorry that I am not there with you at this moment..._

_I know that I should be, but I just had to leave for a while._

_I still remember that last thing that you made me promise out there..._

_And I am trying my best to achieve it._

_I am leaving to some unknown place out there._

_Crazy me, but I just want to know what the world is like..._

_Without wars, without, missions, without pain._

_Without sadness..._

_So when I go back to your side, I'll be a different person._

_Not much different, I think, but less of a bastard I was back then._

_My personal new mission I have, is to make up for all the pain I made you go through..._

_And to of course, make you happy and enjoy life with you._

_Because I found out, almost too late.._

_That absolutely nothing else matters¡¦_

_But you and my love towards you._

_So please be healthy and take care of yourself._

_And be there when I go back._

_Because I will return to you..._

_I promise._

_Loving you always,_

_Heero Y._

Duo wiped away the tears that were flowing out endlessly from his eyes and sighed. He held the letter to his heart lovingly and smiled. He whispered to himself...

"Yes, Heero. I will be waiting here. So when you come back, you'll find me here. I promise."

Owari~* (?)

LOL... yey, I finished! And on Christmas too, as promised! I hope you enjoyed this "ending" because I find it quite dull, and badly written. :'( Anyways, I just thought that the idea of Heero praying would be so damn kawaii and so cool. _ Oh, and if there are grammatical errors and such, please don't hesitate to tell me, because English, is my third language, and my grammar/word choice is quite bad. T-T I wish I could write better. I don't know if I should leave it there, or to write something after? Please tell me, and if I feel like I should, I will! ^_^* (And yes, the ending is similar to FF8's intro thing, but really, I didn't mean for it to be the same, it just ended up being that way ^_^) Merry Christmas to you all, and hurray for happy endings! :)

Love,

Angelline~*


End file.
